


Survivors

by Artemis_Luna



Series: All Things Karivarry/Superflarrow [4]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012), Supergirl (TV 2015), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Hallucinations, Heavy Angst, Karivarry - Freeform, Mental Breakdown, Multi, Panic Attacks, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Oliver, Psychological Trauma, Suicidal Thoughts, Superflarrow - Freeform, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-02-24 01:34:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13202898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artemis_Luna/pseuds/Artemis_Luna
Summary: Barry disappeared into the Speed Force to stop Savitar once and for all.In the end, it'd been Savitar the Speed Force spat out, with the Flash's head gear crumpled in his hand."He's dead."





	1. Kara

**Author's Note:**

> LET'S TAKE A BREAK FROM ALL THE FLUFF AND GET SOME ANGST IN HERE NOW BECAUSE LET'S FACE IT, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN MORE AT HOME WITH ANGST THAT I EVER AM WITH FLUFF.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was all her fault Barry was gone.
> 
> Her mind kept making sure she knew that.

It was  _heavy,_  and all Kara really knew at that moment was the intense agony that mindlessly floated around in her chest as if it were a regular in a motel that thought the place home; the ghost of a previous grief of having  _lost people she loved_  that had ripped itself from the scar of her soul, stitch by stitch, meshed almost seamlessly with a new wound that kept threatening to widen at the mere thought of Bar—

She choked.

It was heavy and it  _burned_. All these super powers — super strength included — and it still felt like she was going to crumble under the weight of  _him being gone;_  the wick on his candle was no longer lit, and it  _wrecked_  her every time she was pushed into a situation where memories slammed into her like a meteor.

It limbered quietly, the raw emotion, but it left such a ravaged path in its wake, like it wanted to make sure she recognized destruction. 

It was heavy, sitting in her chest, growing. It spread to the rest of her body, seeping into limbs like a cancer that just couldn't wait to metastasize its way into her heart and  _ruin_  her, as if she hadn't already ruined it herself. She had Ollie, she had Ollie...

But they both lost  _him._

They both lost him, and it'd been her fault.

They both lost him, and now she lost both.

She had no idea where she was. She was somewhere in Central City, back in her own Earth. She had no idea what time it was. It was night, that much was obvious. The moon didn't greet her nor did the stars; they hid behind the clouds, as if they didn't want to see her at all.

She stopped walking.

She blinked once.

Twice.

Ollie was there, standing before her, hood down and mask gone.

Tears burned as they filled her eyes and threatened to spill.

Bar—

Her chest ached, and the wound widened.

 _Barry_  was right there.

Only he wasn't her Barry,  _t_ _heir_  Barry...

This Barry had his arm around Ollie's neck and, from the slight wheezing she could hear from Ollie, it was  _tight_.  This Barry had one of Ollie's arrows in his fist, ready to have it shoved into Ollie's chest.

"Ba..." His name died on her lips. She hadn't been strong enough to say his name. Not since— She took in a deep breath. "Let him go, Barry."

This Barry breathed out, irritated, evident by the  _pure_ disgust in his eyes. "That's not my name,  _Supergirl_." 

She flinched at the use of her hero alias, as if it scorched his tongue when he said.

As if the mere use of her name didn't once belong hanging on his lips.

" _Savitar_." She forced herself to look into his eyes and not at the arrow threatening to bury itself into Ollie. "Let him go. Please."

This Barry laughed. She hated it.

"I always loved it when you begged, Girl of Steel."

Her hands balled into fists at her sides. Restraint, she had to have restraint. She was a hero for a reason.

"We loved you." She had no idea what to do, didn't know what else to say, and she'd never felt more helpless. So much for wearing her family's coat of arms; she was all out of hope.

This Barry's eyes narrowed at her, and it sent a cold awful shiver down her spine. He plunged the arrow into Ollie's shoulder. She gagged a little at the sight of this Barry seemingly relishing Ollie's pain. He twisted the arrow as he drove it deeper in the archer's flesh. 

The tears — those useless and abhorrent tears — finally spilled onto her cheeks, some of them went down her trembling lips as a whimper escaped through them.

 _She did not deserve to bear the same superhero name as her cousin_. 

How could she give people hope when she had none left?

_Some hero she was._

"Whatever it is you think we had, Supergirl, none of that was real." The arrow was pulled from Ollie, along with a pained grunt, before it was eventually thrust into his chest. She didn't need to use her x-ray vision to know he's gotten Ollie right in the heart. "You were nothing to me then, you're nothing to me now."

More tears, the wound kept getting bigger.

"You're worth nothing to Oliver."

Something deep within her  _cracked;_  it couldn't have been her heart, that was long broken.

"I'm going to break the Flash, everything Barry Allen ever loved. And I'm starting with you. You know why? Because you deserve it."

She couldn't take it anymore. Her legs gave out on her as she gave a roar that rumbled the ground beneath her, groaning and cracking, just like she was. Her chest had just blown up, she was stuck in his war against herself as  _absolute hopelessness and dread_  were fired at her rapidly from odd angles. Her lungs were a casualty, seeing as she couldn't seem to draw breath properly, if any at all.

Her hallucinations... they were always bad, but they never talked to her. Never like it did just now.

 _Oh but she deserved it._ All of it.

She wasn't  _super_.

She was weak.

She didn't understand the familiar arms that wound themselves around her, but she accepted them, leaned into the embrace that enveloped around her like a prayer she didn't know she needed to hear, like an answer she didn't know she'd been waiting for.

She didn't know she was sobbing until she heard a gentle yet gruff voice soothe her. 

"Ollie?" Her voice cracked, and she hated it. She couldn't face him. Not now that this was the first time she'd seen him since—

"Yes, Kara, it's me. It's okay. You're okay."

Ollie was here and not a hallucination. He was here, with her in his arms, almost like everything was just right for a second.

_Almost._

"Ollie, I killed him."

"No, Kara..."

She wanted to close her eyes, but she knew she shouldn't. She  _couldn't_. Once the darkness took her in like an old friend, just waiting for her downfall, she'd see Savitar again, mocking her for her weakness, torturing Ollie for fun.

She shouldn't have agreed so easily to let  _him_  go into the Speed Force. She and Ollie should have done more than just the  _"Please, don't go,"_  tactic. They should have tied him down and made him stay.

She shouldn't have let him go.

But Bar—

Her fingers dug into the asphalt.

 _Barry Allen_  was a hero — a superhero — and she knew a thing or two about sacrifice. So she let him be what he was, let him do what he thought was right. She had let go of his hand and he had run full speed into the Speed Force to apprehend Savitar, fully intending to come back a little after dinner to be back with her and Ollie.

He never did.

Instead it had been Savitar the Speed Force spat out, with the Flash's head gear crumpled in his hand. She still couldn't truly process the words, " _He's dead_ ," when he'd said it. Even though it wouldn't have had hurt her, Ollie had still caught her as she'd stumbled backwards.

"I killed him, Ollie. I killed him. It was me. He's dead, he's dead. Ollie, he's gone because of me. You shouldn't  _be_ here because I killed him."

"No, no," Ollie was trying to say, but he couldn't get a word in.

"If he were alive, we would know it. We would've gotten a message. He died in the Speed Force—

"Kara, he is not dead."

"—I let him go and he's dead—"

"He is  _not_  dead."

"—because I killed him—"

"He's not dead."

"—I killed him—"

"He's not dead."

"—I killed him... He's gone. You're gone. You shouldn't be here."

"You didn't kill him. Kara, look at me. You haven't lost me and he is alive. Okay? Barry Allen of Earth-1 is alive. We got a call from Cisco and we just learned that he's still alive in the Speed Force."

"He's... alive?" The words tasted foreign in her mouth, but it was  _beautiful_  and she savored it.

"Cisco vibed him."

"He's alive." She said like it was the truth, like she  _didn't_  kill him.

"Savitar—" Ollie stopped. She knew he was about to say something  _awful_  but elected at the last second not to mention it. She didn't know whether to be angry at him for hiding something from her or be relieved, because right now, she didn't want to know anything about Savitar, not right now. "He's alive, Kara."

"He's alive."

"That's right. And I'm taking you to Earth-1. Let's go. We're getting our Barry back.  _Together_. Okay?"

Bar—

She smiled a little through the pain, through the wound in her chest that was gradually getting smaller; the weight was still heavy, but it was getting lighter, just a tiny bit.

Her Barry's alive and she had her Ollie back.


	2. Oliver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver deals with his pain the best way he knew how: by causing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS/SUICIDAL TENDENCIES AND SORT OF SELF-HARM IN THIS CHAPTER

When he was settled into the bed, it was done quite harshly. Judging by the almost satisfied hum from Caitlin when he involuntarily winced in pain, he knew the drop was very much intentional.

"Why does every hero have to be so darn... self-sacrificing?!" Caitlin was saying under her breath. She didn't bother being gentle as she sliced her way through his suit.

"That's the third suit this  _month_ , Queen!" Cisco yelled, but helped Caitlin get rid of it anyway to assess the damage their latest meta had done to him.

He could feel the pain from where the meta — a girl named Frankie — controlled a gun and emptied a whole magazine of bullets right into his torso. He was thankful for it, for the pain blossoming across his body like a breeze leaving him a gentle kiss for him to treasure it.

He'd been numb for the better part of a month. The only things that could provoke any sort of emotion from him were the adrenaline from kicking down criminals, and pain. 

Pain, now that was something that lasted far longer than adrenaline.

"Holy—" Cisco squeaked.

"That's a lot of blood..." Iris' eyes were as wide as they could go, only saying it out loud not to state the obvious but to help her process.

There was a strong gust of wind that teased his open wounds and yellow lightning that he could only see in his periphery, before having materialized into Wally by his side. He could only guess that Wally had gathered all the medical supplies and instruments Caitlin would need for him.

Caitlin grabbed a pair of forceps, leveling her with a stern glare usually reserved for Barry.

 _Had been_ reserved for Barry.

"Gotta say, Oliver," she started to say, looking more than ready to brutally take out the bullets from his shredded torso, "it's almost like you're trying to kill yourself."

 _Almost_.

* * *

He woke up. His mind was hazy, his body was numb and his vision was unfocused.

So just a typical Tuesday for him.

He glanced over to his side and found Caitlin reading over his charts. 

He was about to ask her to take off the morphine.

He looked more closely at her and saw her shoulders shaking.

He closed his eyes and stayed quiet.

* * *

He'd retired from his vigilante-ing in Star City; they didn't need him anymore. They had a whole arsenal of heroes — and heck, an actual vigilante named Arsenal.

But Central City...

It'd been Barry's home. He'd been the sole hero of Central City. Cisco, Wally and Caitlin were there, but they weren't as experienced as he was or as Barry had been.

He had left Star City; it had stopped being his home for a long time.

Now, he was going to do everything in his power to protect Central City — his home — even if it killed him.

He owed it to Barry.

* * *

He woke up to yelling.

"Cisco, what did you see?"

There was no response.

" _Cisco_ , tell us what you saw!"

"Barry."

His eyes snapped open.

* * *

"Oliver, just what the hell are you doing?"

It was a collective effort to keep him from leaving the room, having failed to keep him in bed. He was stumbling around; his torso was in  _excruciating_ pain and he _savored_ it.

"I..." He'd ripped out his IV line before getting out of bed. Now that he was in front of the doorway — in front of a wall of people who didn't want him to leave, much less to stand — he was now realizing that he should have left the IV in for a little bit longer; he didn't like to be weak.

"You're going to get Barry." Iris' tone wasn't accusatory; she just sounded resigned.

"You are _not_ in any condition be moving around right now," Caitlin practically growled. "If you think we don't see you holding back on us the amount of injuries you accumulate  _every night_ , not stopping to think about your  _own_ well-being, not sleeping, _barely_ eating, then you are very much mistaken. I'm a _doctor,_ for goodness' sake! I see everything! So right now, you're going to go back to bed so I can reattach your IV line and knock you out with the damn strongest sedative we have or so help me, Oliver, I will make—"

"Kara." Her name— God, he'd never said her name in such a long time that saying it now was like the sweetest coffee he'd ever tasted with a bitter aftertaste to remind him that he'd failed her. He'd failed to take care of her in their greatest time of need.

But how? He couldn't take care of her, not when he couldn't even take care of himself.

"I... I have to see her."

* * *

It hurt him to have her in his arms.

Not his torso — he didn't give a damn about his torso — but... his heart...

She was falling apart, had been for a long time, and he hadn't been there for her.

But Barry was alive.

He promised her they'd get him back together.

He promised himself he'd stop seeking pain. He'd had enough in the past month to last him a lifetime.


	3. Barry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry traveled into the future to find a way to save his best friend, only to find out Iris won't be Savitar's only victim.

Barry stood there in the middle of the cortex, wide-eyed but determined. 

"I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna run to the future, find out who Savitar is and stop him before he can get to you." He was eyeing Iris, his sister and best friend in the world, and everyone knew there was no arguing with him just by the way he looked and talked. "I'll need your help, Wally."

Wally nodded stiffly. "Let's go."

* * *

Cisco's words — _Future_ Cisco's words — kept echoing in his head:  _"You shut everything down. You didn't want us around, so you pushed us away."_

He shuddered at them, the words. He could only imagine the pain he'd be in if Iris were to be gone (she was his best friend and the love of his life, and he was pretty sure Iris was his soul mate, even though that love was a lot more familial than romantic; maybe in another life, she was destined to be his and it wasn't all that hard to imagine) but to have pushed away his other friends?

Barry couldn't wrap his head around the idea of not only pushing the people he'd long thought of as members of his family away but the fact that his older self had cut all ties with them... 

Did that mean he was no longer with Kara and Oliver?

The mere thought of losing them almost made his knees buckle.

* * *

After having left Cisco back in the elevator, he carefully surveyed the cortex; the state in which S.T.A.R. Labs was in was completely atrocious _._ Granted, S.T.A.R. Labs wasn't in ruins, it was just not at all maintained. He couldn't really believe that this was S.T.A.R. Labs; from day one, the place was utterly pristine and in every way immaculate. Seeing his base of operations for Flash was slowly making him realize that he wouldn't just lose Iris and his friends that day but also all motivation of being the hero he was now.

He stopped right in front of the board where him and his team in his present wrote all of the headlines of a news report in hopes of changing the future, in hopes of saving Iris.

"Why are you here?"

He whipped his head around and found  _himself_.

But this older version of himself was different, and not at all in a good way.

His hair was longer, unkempt in every way. He had a ghostly pallor and bags underneath his eyes that indicated his obvious lack of sleep. He held himself with the stance of a man who'd already given up on his life. What scared him the most about his older self's appearance were his eyes. They were dull and  _haunted_ , like there wasn't a moment he wasn't crying.

Stunned, he answered, "I need your help."

His older self studied him for a second. "You're from before they die, aren't you?"

 _They?_   Savitar was going to kill more besides Iris? Who? Joe? Wally? 

His older self stepped forward, and he was even more shocked at the pure anguish written across his face. He looked at his older self, puzzled and little bit horrified. He didn't want this future; he didn't want to become this... broken version of himself.

His older self didn't bother to wait for his response. He simply turned around and announced, "You can't save them," with conviction.

"Yes, I can," was his immediate rebuttal, even though he was at a loss asking and screaming internally who else Savitar was going to kill. "And I'm going to."

"No you can't. Go home."

He was getting angry now at him...self. Ugh time travel, man. "Just tell me who's in the suit. That's all I need. I'll track him down, learn his weakness... I'll stop him before—"

"I can't."

He'd almost had enough, and never did he think he'd want to punch  _himself_. "Why not?"

"Because I don't know who he is."

And just like that, it felt like someone had pulled the rug from under his feet; just when he thought he'd have the upper hand...

His hands balled into fists at his sides because  _there was just no way he was going to lose Iris_. "Tell me who else died then. At least give me that."

His older self turned back around and, for the first time since they started talking, he could see the glimmer of a single tear that oozed from this corner of his eye. "Oliver."

He stopped breathing; it felt like his older self had punched him instead, right in the stomach and again after that. He couldn't say anything; was he supposed to? His father had just died a couple months ago and now he learned not only was he going to lost his best friend but Ollie too?

"Want some advice? Go home. Spend as much time with both of them and Kara because pretty soon, you'll lose them forever."

He almost didn't want to ask but he just had to. "Where's Kara?"

His older self didn't miss a beat. "Gone."

And for once, he didn't want to find out what  _gone_ meant.

* * *

Oliver...

Oliver was going to die.

Savitar was going to  _kill_ Oliver alongside Iris.

He kicked at the board with all the headlines and watched it sorrowfully as it crashed into the ground, shattering just like his heart.

No wonder his older self was much more of a mess than he'd anticipated...

He thought he was pretty much torn up about Iris' death, but he just couldn't fathom the pain of having to lose Oliver  _and_ Kara. That was a place he didn't want to go to.

He didn't want this future.

* * *

Eight years from his present, Cisco would lose his hands, Caitlin would lose herself, Wally would lose his sanity, Joe would lose all of his kids, Iris would be gone, Oliver would be gone, Kara would be gone—

_He didn't want this future!_

He put his his cowl back on with reinforced willpower, and it was way more than he did when he'd learned Iris was going to die.

He wasn't going to imprison Savitar, no, not like his older self did.

That wasn't enough.

* * *

When he came back from the future, everyone couldn't _not_ notice how manic Barry was being, completely consumed by the idea of stopping Savitar. They tried asking what it was he saw in the future, but whenever the question was raised, it pushed Barry to train harder and plan more in an effort to stop their nemesis, so they stopped asking, fearing they were going to lose Barry further into his newfound obsession.

Oliver and Kara had come to Central City when Barry had pretty much stopped talking to them for a whole week, sparking a deep sense of worry and concern for him. They first met up with the rest of the team to gauge what exactly was going on with Barry. They couldn't really answer and just said he'd been obsessed with taking down Savitar ever since he came back from the future.

When they visited Barry in the speed lab — which was so heavily decorated with a disarray of diagrams and notes — he went  _ballistic_ , going through all his plans to defeat Savitar before yelling at them to go away so he wouldn't be distracted. Oliver and Kara were both a little too astonished at Barry's newly developed personality — despite having been warned already — to stop him from zooming away.

"Did he just tell us he was going to _kill_ Savitar?" Kara whispered, still staring at the spot where Barry had been.

"In precise detail."

* * *

Savitar was right there, in front of him. Just like how he planned, Savitar entered the Speed Force, right where he was going to kill him.

Before he could follow Savitar, his wrist was held back by a hand as strong as a vice grip that didn't intend on letting him go any time soon. He looked back and _of course it was Kara and of course she broke free from where he had restrained her._

"Barry, please don't do this," she pleaded, still not letting go. "This isn't you."

Oliver, from the sidewalk where Barry had tied him up right next to where Kara was, yelled at him. "Don't you dare go in there, Barry, or I'll kill you myself."

"I have to stop this. Stop  _him_."

"I'm sorry but I can't let you do this."

His lips pressed into a hard line. He'd never intend on telling either one of them what he saw in the future, but now, it seemed like he needed to. 

"Kara, if I don't go, Savitar is going to—"

"To kill Iris, I know—"

"—kill Oliver."

Kara immediately stopped. "What?"

"Savitar will kill Iris  _and_ Oliver, but not if I stop him. This is the only chance I have at stopping him."

"Barry..."

"Do you really wanna lose Oliver? Are you sure you wanna go through that?"

"No, but—"

"Then let me stop him. Let me take Savitar down once and for all."

"Barry, I can't..."

He could see it; her resolve was dwindling.

"Please don't go," she said, but he knew he had won.

"I'll be back. I might be a little bit late for dinner. Potstickers and pizza, right? Save some for me."

Kara's eyes started to water. "I love you."

"I love you too."

And she let go.


	4. The Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Oliver get to Barry, but it's gonna take all of them to fix each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as you may have already noticed, the past three chapters were in reverse. Now, it's starts off from where chapter one ended.
> 
> WARNING: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

Kara is inconsolable.

Even Alex can't get her to stop and listen.

The blonde superhero already has Oliver gathered in her arms as she flies into the breach she'd opened, back to Earth-1.

_She and Ollie are going to save Barry._

* * *

Oliver is a stubborn son of a bitch. Laurel will tell you that, his sister can attest to that, and Felicity can and probably will give her complete count of all the times Oliver had been more than just uncompromising. And it's right now that his reputation really shines because no matter how many scoldings he receives from Caitlin, or threats of a downgrade from Cisco, or heart to heart talks with various members of the West family, deep down they all know there is no changing his Oliver's mind, especially now with Kara by his side who is just as equally as stubborn.

There's no changing his mind, even though he had  _died_ —  _TWICE_ — last night after being riddled with  _fifteen_ bullets  _in his chest!_

They all love Barry — be it as a friend or a brother or a son; he had saved each one of them countless times regardless of his own safety just so they can have theirs. They  _do_ want to save Barry and get him back, more than anything! They _want_ to get rid of his evil twin ( _"Time remnant." "Really? You're gonna correct me right now?"_ ) and just have Barry back with them.

But not as much as Kara does.

Not as much as Oliver does.

The first time Barry, adorable dork that he is, had finally told them that he's dating both Oliver and Kara, looking like an excited puppy that really wanted his new family to like him, Oliver and Kara had quickly become part of their little makeshift family that always has room for more, as Iris always says.

In the past month, however, ever since Barry had gone into the Speed Force and Oliver had moved in Central City to help protect it, they'd grown to love Oliver as  _Oliver_ , and not just as someone Barry'd been dating.

So having to watch Kara help Oliver put on his suit, face tight and teeth gnashed as he fights through the pain...

It's almost like having to choose who to save: Barry or Oliver.

* * *

"You don't belong here," a woman says as she cautiously approaches them once Cisco had successfully breached them into the dimensional plane of the Speed Force. "You must leave, Oliver Queen, Kara Zor-El."

Kara goes a little pale, but not at the mention of her alien name. No, no. Eyes wide in utter shock, she is staring at the woman so intensely she may as well have drilled holes in the woman's head. She swallows quite audibly before stuttering out, "You... Y-You look e-e-exactly like—"

"Barry's mother," Oliver finishes in a voice barely above a whisper, indicating his astonishment, to which Kara finds relief in.

The woman — Barry's _mom_ — almost looks amused. "I am merely a manifestation of the Speed Force. I take on different forms from Barry's life to make him feel more... comfortable, for the lack of a better term. You two must leave. You don't belong here."

Oliver's grip in Kara's hand tenses, and she immediately knows he's suppressing his rage, his urge to not only punch a physical representation of their boyfriend's mother but also the source of energy they're trying to rescue him from. "Neither does Barry." Kara shivers a little at the dangerously low tone he uses.

Nora shakes her head, looking almost regretful. "Barry isn't supposed to be here indeed; the prison his older self made isn't meant for him, not his younger self at least. But it was _his_ decision to come here and face Savitar on his own, to allow his emotions to cloud his better judgment. We warned him, told him that he was a hero before anything else. And he said he knew, that he wasn't going to let grief blindside him again." Nora sighs. "But he _is_ human. He is here now for his penance."

It's Kara's turn to squeeze Oliver's hand to repress the flaring vexation that rises within her; it was the type of anger that would have scared her if it happened any  _other_ time because such emotions drew out chaos out of her, but for now, she likes the way the flames licked at her soul, how it dances around her edges, how it makes her feel like she's dangerous and in danger all at once, how it makes her feel brave. "He made a mistake! He's human, as you just pointed out, so he's allowed to make a couple of mistakes!"

The front door opens and it's the first time Kara realizes she's standing in Joe's home, in Iris and Barry's childhood home. It's not any of the aforementioned people who enters the house, however, not even Wally. 

It's her sister.

She almost breaks from Oliver's hold on her, but then Alex speaks, and it's like she is hit in the gut when she realizes the Speed Force is using her sister as a form to get through to her.

"Humans, even Kryptonians and other evolved life forms with a high enough intelligence, do make mistakes. But, tell me, Kara, how many mistakes can someone make until a line has to be crossed? We understood his grief for his mother. When he told us he'd already come to terms with his mother's death, we gave him his speed back because we believed him."

She feels flustered, so filled with frustration it almost makes her want to pull off her laser eyes.  _On her sister!_

(Okay, not really her sister, but—)

"He made a mistake," Kara repeats albeit sounding much more calm now, even though Oliver knows she's feeling the opposite, "and he's learned from it! Isn't that what mistakes are for?"

"Yes," Alex answers as Nora walks out the front door, closing it behind her. "But not without penalty. It wasn't by accident that he went back in time to save his mother; he'd thought about it long and hard. But you see, Kara, we allowed it to happen." — Kara scoffs and Oliver just grunts — "His father had just been taken from him, brutally so. But do you just let go of someone who has committed a premeditated murder even though he has apologized?"

Kara bristles. "That's different."

"Is it really?" Alex challenges back. "It's because of him Flashpoint existed. He upset the timeline, ruined a lot of lives, despite knowing the consequences."

Oliver grinds his teeth. He wishes he were in optimal condition because then he'd fight against a sentient form of energy tooth and nail for Barry. "Anyone who lost their parents would do the same!"

Alex spares Oliver a glance and, for a moment, Kara finds it discouraging because the look her sister's copy gives her boyfriend almost perfectly mirrors Alex's expression of concern and remorse. " _Anyone_ would, yes, but Barry led us to believe that he wasn't like anyone. Now he has to pay the price."

"He... didn't mean it." Even to Kara's own ears, her defense sounded weak.

"We understand his regret, but his actions cannot go unpunished." Alex gives them both a look that signals the end of the conversation. "You must go. You don't belong here."

"Not without Barry."

Alex sighs. "We can't allow that." She turns around, walks out the front door and doesn't come back.

"We're gonna find him, Kara. We're gonna find him and bring him back."

Kara smiles for the first time, lightly touching her eyes, and it makes Oliver's numb chest beat harder and his heart melt; he questions why he'd gone through a month of recklessness just to feel adrenaline and pain when he could've had Kara by his side and feel a whole spectrum of _other_ and _better_ things.

"Was there really any other plan, Ollie?"

So that's what they've been doing.

Kara spends what seems like the better part of several hours flying with Oliver in her arms. They look everywhere within Central City, but they Barry is just nowhere to be found.

Kara suggests they go try and find Barry in her Earth when Oliver levels her with a quick glance that all but reminds her they're outside the realm of space and time.

"How 'bout we call Cisco and ask for clues? I mean, he's bound to have seen some things when he saw Barry, right?" Again, Kara blanches a little at Oliver's poker face. "Okay, okay, yeah, you're right. We're on our own. Well, um... oh! You remember that night? Savitar—"

Oliver is quick to cut Kara off. "I remember." Of course he remembers. Out of all the memories he has, that's one he wants more than anything to eradicate.

Kara nods, understanding because she, too, wants nothing more than to forget. "He said that he'd been trapped in the Speed Force prison for a long time, right? That what he went through was a fate worse than death."

Oliver meets Kara's blue eyes, wise and withered with years' worth of hurt that he knows he shares in his own as well. 

Kara, seeing Oliver's immediate realization, gives a stiff nod.

"If I were an extra-dimensional source of energy with a sentience and a need to put speedsters through hell," Oliver starts as he looks up, "where would Barry be?"

With the West home, CCPD, S.T.A.R. Labs and cemetery all crossed out in possible places Barry could be in, that left them with one last place they hadn't yet checked: S.T.A.R. Labs Hall, the place where it all started.

It was where the three of them had met together for the first time, and it was where the three of them had realized their feelings for each other.

Kara, being ever so gentle and mindful about his injuries ( _"Why didn't you tell me you've been shot?! A lot, might I add!" "You were kind of having a breakdown, didn't seem like it mattered at the time!" "Of course it matters!" "Can we do this later, maybe?" "Fine!"_ ), picks up Oliver one more time and flies to the hangar.

Kara can feel her powers slowly ebbing, having exhausted her flight in a place where a yellow sun can't exist (there  _is_ a yellow sun, but as far as she can tell, it's not  _real_ , even though she can feel the ray's light and warmth). She sets Oliver down on his feet, stumbling a little bit. She shakes herself, as if it would magically give her strength; it doesn't, but it allows her clear her mind. She needs to be strong; she has to be, for Oliver and Barry.

They're right about the S.T.A.R. Labs Hall.

Barry's inside.

He's right there, leaning against a column, completely immobile as he stares ahead at Iris', Oliver's and Kara's counterparts.

He's right there, all bloody and bruised and chained up and  _alive._

* * *

Iris is dead.

Oliver is dead.

And Kara blames him for all of it.

Of course it's his fault. He's used his speed for his own benefit or to save his friends so many times that some would call him a god for that. His own time remnant —  _all this time, Savitar is merely a time remnant of himself_ — is proof that he  _is_ no god. Savitar is just a man; an older version of himself broken beyond repair who had been forced to live through the hell he is in now.

This is how he turns into Savitar.

But Barry knows he  _can't_ end up as the deranged man Savitar is. That isn't who he is. At some point, he knows he'll one day get out of this godforsaken prison and emerge as Savitar, but before he would have the chance, he'd end his own life before letting all the hurt and anger dictate his choices.

Just like his grief had done so when he'd provoked Savitar into a fight here in the Speed Force, where Savitar had all but mercilessly beaten him in speed and physical prowess, where Savitar left him chained up, where Savitar ensures his creation...

Iris is dead.

Oliver is dead.

And Kara—

_"This is all your fault, Barry! You could've saved Ollie! You could've saved Iris! But you were too slow!"_

—blames him for all of it.

* * *

Kara tries her hardest to ignore her counterpart as insults are hurtled nonstop at Barry, blaming him for everything. Even Oliver's tight grasp on her hand doesn't assuage her own anxieties that seems to be completely parallel to Barry's guilt: the Savitar in her hallucinations is her mind's manifestation of her guilt of letting Barry go and for allowing Oliver to die. Here, the Speed Force had conjured up a version of Kara that spat out almost the same accusations as the Savitar in her head has done.

Even though her powers are weakening at this point, she is still quick to zip her way to the column at a human pace and use her strength to get the chains off of Barry. Oliver, on the other hand, wastes no time to get to Barry, his injuries be damned. He sucks in a breath when he notices just how much damage Barry has sustained; his Flash suit is in tatters, almost like someone had tried to burn it off, his leg is bent in a way that shouldn't, he has bruises visible in the neck area that disappears underneath his suit, but the worst of it all is his face.

Half of his face is horribly maimed, looking a little worse than road rash. The eye on the injured part has red blotches that makes him cringe a little and he briefly wonder if Barry can still see out of that eye.

He makes sure his steps are loud and brings his hands up to signal Barry that they — the  _real_ Oliver and Kara — are here. But Barry's eyes are glazed over, not like he's seeing another world behind a memory or a nightmare; it's more like he's... _gone._

Oliver's chest clenches in a way that sends more pain into his brain than his injury does. Is this it? Has Savitar won? Has he ensured that Barry would turn into him?

Against his better judgment, Oliver gingerly puts a hand on the unharmed part of Barry's face and angles his head toward him to force him to look his way and not at his dead counterpart the Speed Force had made up.

"Barry," he says, as gently as he had when he was calming Kara down earlier. "Barry, sweetheart, it's me. Oliver. I'm here. Kara's here. We're both here, all right? I'm not dead. Kara doesn't blame you at all."

It saddens Kara beyond the guilt she has for herself. She allows herself to feel every emotion life decides to throw at her: the relief of finding Barry alive, the shock at Barry's marred face, the anger she has at herself for letting this happen; she's done pushing everything away because she has to face it, has to come to terms with it, if she has any chance of helping Barry.

"We're here, Barry. We love you." She cries. "Come back to us. Please, please..."

Oliver reaches out with his other hand to hold Kara's, and she isn't sure if it's meant to calm her or himself.

"Don't listen to her," she continues to say, referring to the false Kara that hasn't shut up, "She's lying. None of this is your fault. We're here. Ollie's here. Iris is back on Earth-1, breathing and walking."

Barry groans, the first time he's made a response, provoking a simultaneous reaction from both Kara and Oliver, the former gasps while the latter stiffens.

"Barry?" And neither one of them is sure who actually says it; maybe they had said at the same time.

"I..." It's one word. Barry had just said one word, yet it held crescendos and a thousand worlds' worth of broken agony that lances through both Kara and Oliver with searing pain. Barry — sweet, loving, caring Barry Allen, of all people — does not deserve this; how could the Speed Force think Barry deserves this? "M-My f-f-fault..."

"No. God, Barry. It's not your fault."

"C-Can-n't."

"Can't what?"

"Can't b-b-be S-Savitar."

Kara is about to reassure him that he won't turn into Savitar, that not only does he have her and Oliver but a whole army of friends who'd make sure he won't turn into the monster when he says it.

"Kill m-me. Can't be-e Sav-v-vita-ar." Barry cries. Kara flinches a little when a tear escapes his injured eye and trails down the open wounds. "Ca-an't be a-a-a mons-ster."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO LIKE DID YOU SEE THE "SUIT UP" PROMO FOR ARROW/FLASH/SUPERGIRL/LEGENDS?! BECAUSE I AM TOTALLY FREAKING OVER KARA BEING ADORABLE, CISCO/RAY FRIENDSHIP, BARRY/OLIVER INTERACTIONS, BARRY WITH HIS BEARD AND HIS FOOD, KARA AND BARRY USING THEIR SPEED TO CHANGE AND OLIVER'S LIKE "RIGHT SUPER SPEED" AND OH MY GOD CAN JANUARY 15 COME ANY FASTER?!
> 
> LINK: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArzW5wHAlpA


	5. The Future (What If?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's really up to them now.

The future is a fickle thing that isn't as fragile as people'd think. Several rivers and rivulets stem out every time a decision is made, and more are made after that. It's an infinite cycle that poisons people's minds with that burning question,  _"what if?"_

Like:

_What if Kara and Oliver got Barry out of the Speed Force?_

It would be quite an adjustment for Oliver, who would need to move past believing Kara would never come back to him and that Barry was dead. It would be a journey for Kara, who would need to face her demons and let go of her grief to get on with her life, to be whatever it was Barry would need her as. And Barry? It would be a long recovery for him, who still couldn't run as quickly as he could before Savitar had done a lot of neurological damage on top of breaking his leg, who couldn't face a mirror without going into a panic attack at the sight of his horrible scarring, who couldn't sleep for more than three hours without being bombarded by horrific recurring nightmares that would usually involve him evolving into Savitar and killing everyone he loves, who couldn't look at anyone the same way because of all the  _pity_  they cast his way, who couldn't be the Flash anymore after having spent decades in the Speed Force only to come back and find out he'd only been gone a month. It would be the beginning of the unravelling of their relationship, where they'd eventually break things off when Barry couldn't take their coddling anymore because he couldn't fix himself, when Kara couldn't take herself being a coward, when Oliver couldn't stand by and watch them take it out on themselves.

Or maybe Oliver would adjust quickly; in his grim past, he'd been tortured physically and psychologically for years so he knew how to handle himself and, more importantly, he knew how to guide Barry through his recovery. Barry would recuperate at a rate faster than anyone else would have guessed, faster than he thought he would (albeit with a few relapses here and there, but nothing too unmanageable). Kara would be able to forgive herself eventually, given time and constant aid from Oliver and Barry. They would be a team no enemy could trump, having gained a much better understanding of each other. They would be able to maneuver themselves in battle, perfectly in sync with each other, which would ultimately lead to Savitar's downfall. They would get engaged two years later, retire from their vigilantism and eventually settle down in Earth-38.

Or it would lead to Oliver and Kara shoving at their monsters instead of having to deal with them. They would do this for Barry's sake, wanting to push his recovery along quickly, wanting him to just be  _okay_ again. But Barry, he would see right through them, and it would be painful for him: to have to witness the people he'd loved cry for him every night, to have to watch them  _break_  over him being... too irreparable, to have to thrust him back into an environment he'd long thought of as gone. It would be too hard for him, so much so he would opt to end the pain two weeks later.

Or the three of them would never be able to leave the Speed Force in the first place, trapped for the rest of eternity for having messed with the natural order of things; never aging, confined in a place where they'd never be able to forgive themselves.

_What if Kara and Oliver went after Savitar instead of going straight to Barry?_

It would be too catastrophic. With Kara's head out of the game and Oliver being grievously injured, Savitar would be able to kill them without even blinking. Barry would still be trapped in the Speed Force, where he'd eventually die or emerge as the self-proclaimed God of Speed. It would lead to their respective cities wondering where they'd gone, either grieving over their lost heroes or despising them for ripping away their hope.

Or it would lead to a victory that would only happen due to sheer dumb luck. Savitar's demise could be procured by one or two of Oliver's arrows shot in the weak spot of his suit just below the jaw, or Kara's timing when she would use her heat vision in the same area. Barry would be eventually rescued, coming back with a broken mind and be completely catatonic, or he'd be completely fine after a couple of laps around the city once his leg would heal in a day, giving Kara and Oliver a long-deserved kiss.

_What if Kara let her grief get to her?_

It would be too awful to watch. Alex would not be able to watch her sister slowly deteriorate in front of her, despite being there for her through it all. Eventually, she would need to contain Kara when her last hallucination would cause her to level the town, with only her cousin being able to stop her. Oliver would find out about this and deliberately not visit her, stuck in the believe she wouldn't need him ruining her fragile state even more. Or he  _would_  visit, feeling obligated to because he could have stopped all of it had he been there for her in the first place. Or he wouldn't know about it all because Alex would intentionally  _not_  share that piece of information with him, not after he had left her sister alone to deal with it.

Or it would be chaotic. Succumbing to her hallucinations, she would travel to Earth-1 to hunt Oliver down for abandoning her when she'd needed him most. Oliver would die later that same night by asphyxiation without putting up a fight. She would regain just enough sanity when Oliver would breathe his last words of either _"I'm sorry"_  or _"I love you,"_ which would push Supergirl to her breaking point. Or Oliver would fight back, killing her with three kryptonite arrows to the chest he'd made specially for evil versions of herself but never her.

Or it would be tragic. Kara would fly herself to the sun, where she would die from overexposure to solar radiation, alone.

_What if Oliver never left Star City?_

Oliver would just be all right. Yes, Barry would still be gone, but he'd function fine, busting down criminals and otherworldly threats like what he'd been doing for the past few years. He would mourn over Barry, just as he had for Laurel, Tommy, his parents... He would still be with Kara, needing each other then more than ever. Or not, knowing they both needed Barry.

Or he would be rash. He would insist on masquerading as his alter ego all day, all night, completely shedding his civilian identity for good. He would be utterly impulsive and thrill-seeking. He would die seven months later just a block away from the Arrow Cave, after Kara had either thrown herself to the sun or destroyed National City.

Or he would retire a week after Barry had gone. He would know his mind wouldn't be in the best condition and would depart from his team amicably, where Kara would be waiting for him outside or not.

_What if Barry never went into the Speed Force?_

Kara would  _not_  let him go, knocking him out.

Or Oliver would free himself from his restraints and would shoot Barry with five tranquilizers.

Or Barry would snap himself out of it and immediately close the breach, leaving Savitar back in his prison.

_What if Flashpoint never existed?_

The Dominators would have no reason to come to Earth. Barry would not have been able to introduce Oliver and Kara to each other, not until a few years later when global security would be threatened, when they'd all be engaged. Oliver would be with Felicity or with Laurel, who would later be resurrected. Kara would be with Mon-El or with Lena, who would eventually learn her secret identity. Barry would be with Iris or with Caitlin, who would later learn she can choose her own happiness.

Or an impending catastrophe just a few months later would require all their help, where they'll meet — under the same circumstances as they had in the timeline where Dominators came not so peacefully — and eventually end up together, not having to worry about Savitar ( _Who?_ ).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a journey, man.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and for all the lovely comments and kudos. Nothing motivates me more than your appreciation and kind words. I love you all.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Feel free to leave comment.


End file.
